Stop your brain from spinning: A non nonsense guide to stop overthinking

Ever found yourself lying awake at 3 AM, replaying every word from a conversation you had earlier in the day? Or maybe you've spent hours agonizing over an email before hitting send? Or  felt  paralyzed  by even the smallest of decisions because you are afraid you're going to make the wrong one. 

Congratulations – you've experienced the “joy” of overthinking. 

You and I both know that overthinking is not joyful. It’s not fun. It’s completely and utterly exhausting to have your brain feeling like it’s running on a hamster wheel with no way to get off. You wish you knew how to stop it, but anxiety and overthinking have been a part of you for as long as you can remember. 

Overthinking is not about logic

It's really easy to think that overthinking is purely about control, a way to manage your anxiety.  If you can think of every imaginable outcome, then you can prevent the worst thing from happening. Sounds logical right?

But have you ever stopped to think what is that “worst thing” you are protecting yourself from?

The sad thing about overthinking is that it has probably helped you survive and to maintain love, connection and relationships. It was a way to protect you from emotions and experiences that were too big and too painful to hold. 

If you were criticized as a child… over thinking became a way to avoid making mistakes

If you were shamed for expressing yourself, overthinking kept you from being “too much”

If love felt conditional or transactional, overthinking helped you shift and mold into what others wanted. 

Your overthinking helped you to avoid the gut wrenching feelings of shame, disappointment, fear of not being good enough and fears of rejection

OUCH. Of course your brain would want to protect you from those feelings. 

Here's the thing – overthinking and anxiety are best buddies. They feed each other in an exhausting cycle. Anxiety triggers overthinking, which increases anxiety, which leads to more overthinking... you get the picture.

You’re actually stuck in a shame spiral 

Your brain is doing the best it can to protect you and keeps you stuck in the loops of overthinking. If you can analyze, assess and think through every outcome, then you will never mess up and you can avoid feeling shame. 

Shame tells you that making a mistake makes you unworthy. Shame tells you that saying the wrong thing will make you unlovable. Shame tells you that not being perfect is not safe. 

Continuing to think, analyze and assess is keeping you stuck in this awful loop. What actually will help you to get unstuck is to take a look your shame of being wrong, exposed or not good enough… the fear of truly being seen. 

This fear of being seen isn’t actually about others seeing you or judging you. You have been TAUGHT to stay in a shame cycle to avoid all the feelings that come along with being human. 

What Actually Happens When We Overthink

You already know that when you overthink, you analyze situations to death, imagining every possible outcome (usually the worst ones). This mental habit is closely linked to anxiety and worry, creating what feels like a tornado in your brain. 

But how are those fears of the painful emotions showing up for you?

Paralysis-avoiding decisions because you are afraid of failure

Replaying-obsessing over conversations looking for “what you did wrong”

Indecisiveness-Needing others opinions because you have never learned to trust yourself

Seeking Control-planning every detail so you can avoid embarrassment or rejection

Breaking Free: Practical Ways to Stop Your Brain From Spinning

Enough about the problem – let's talk solutions, some basics and some less conventional ways to quiet your overactive brain. 

1. Recognize the Pattern

The first step to breaking any habit is awareness. When you catch yourself in an overthinking spiral, simply name it: "I'm overthinking again." This small act creates distance between you and your thoughts.

2.  Question Your Thoughts

Not everything you think is true (shocking, I know). When your mind creates the worst-case scenario, ask:

• What evidence do I have to support this?

• Is this thought helpful or making me feel worse?

• What advice would I tell a friend thinking this same thought?

3. Get Physical

Your body and mind are connected. Physical activity – even just a 10-minute walk – can interrupt the overthinking cycle and reduce anxiety symptoms. The change in environment plus movement works wonders.

4.The "Future Self" Perspective Shift

When caught in an overthinking loop about a current situation, ask: "Will this matter in 5 hours? 5 days? 5 years?" For most of the things that you get stuck on, the answer is no. Really ask yourself what is worthwhile of your mental energy.

5. Compassionate Self-Talk for Shame

When you find yourself overthinking, try these specific phrases:

• "My brain is trying to protect me, even if it's overdoing it"

• "Having an active mind is part of being human"

• "What would I say to someone I love who was experiencing this same pattern?"

When to Consider Therapy for Overthinking

Self-help strategies work great for many people, but sometimes professional support makes all the difference. Consider reaching out to a therapist if:

• Overthinking significantly interferes with your daily life

• Your worry feels uncontrollable most days

• You're experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety (racing heart, trouble breathing, sleep issues)

• You've tried multiple strategies without relief

• Your overthinking is having a negative impact in your self esteem and your relationships

AEDP(Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) is an incredibly helpful framework to help you move past the “think it through” mindset and is a way to help you connect to your core and learn to trust your instincts and your emotions. It's amazing how free, calm and centered you can feel when you allow yourself to be human and everything that comes with it.  

The Bottom Line on Overthinking

Your brain is powerful and has done a really good job to protect you and take care of you.  However the thing that once protected you (overthinking) is no longer serving you and is in fact getting in the way of feeling happy, connected and safe.  With awareness, practice, and therapy you can change this pattern to feel safe having emotions, opinions and even making mistakes. 

Remember: The stories that you have run your entire life about having opinions, having a voice, or having emotions are not true. You are NOT too much. You are NOT a burden. You deserve to be seen, heard and noticed and most importantly loved. 

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What strategies have helped you manage overthinking? Share in the comments below!